The Wannabe

I pick up hitch-hikers…or at least I did until I got married.  I see it as a helping hand to someone in need.  Shanan sees it as a quick way to get killed/raped/robbed/assaulted/etc.  Well yesterday she sends me this article from KGW about a woman who was assaulted and nearly raped by a “stranded motorist” pretending to need help. Shanan’s comment was, “This is why we don’t stop to help people.  It is sad but a reality…”

While I completely agree that it does happen, and it certainly is tragic when it does, my response is that we can’t live our lives in fear.  One of my favorite quotes is, “The brave may not live long, but the cautious do not live at all.”  I’m sorry, but I refuse to lose faith and trust in the whole of humanity simply because a few people act like monsters.  I know sometimes it seems like there are more than a few, but think of it this way: they don’t write a news story every time a stranded motorist DOESN’T try to rape the person who’s helping them.  I personally have picked up more than a dozen hitch-hikers and each and every one has been kind and thankful.  Just my two cents…

For those who don’t live in Oregon, we’re currently trying to pass a law that will write a cigarette tax into the Oregon constitution.  The money will be going to what’s called the “Healthy Kids Program.”  The Philip-Morris machine is in full swing with advertisements explaining why the program won’t work and why we should vote no.  As with any measure, we’ve been receiving unsolicited mail from people trying to persuade us to vote one way or the other.  The existence of the people writing the letter is debatable; most likely they’re drafted by groups and sent out under a single name.  Recently I received one such letter, imploring me to vote no.  Here’s the basic gist of the letter.

I’m a non-smoker (showing that he has no special interest in the measure passing).  I’m a first grade teacher (showing that he cares about kids).  I was going to vote yes on measure 50 (attempting to relate to those who’ve decided to vote yes).  But then I looked into it and here’s why I’ve decided to vote no:

• Over 70% of the money doesn’t go to the “Healthy Kids Program.”
• Some of the money isn’t slated for anything specific (i.e. It’s a “blank check” for the government).
• Our constitution shouldn’t be used to tax specific products.
• The program can’t sustain itself (The money required will increase while the money collected will decrease).

A very well written letter and the logic is easy to follow…except for one thing: A CIGARETTE TAX IS A GOOD THING, NO MATTER WHAT!  All of these ads (obviously) fail to recognize one simple fact: If cigarettes are more expensive, fewer people will be able to afford them.  That means fewer irresponsible parents blowing smoke into their children’s faces and fewer kids with access to cigarettes.  How will this not result in healthier kids?  Obviously this is a bad thing for companies like Philip-Morris, but how is this a bad thing for the rest of us? 

I’ll be completely honest with you.  I never knew my father so my only real father figure was my grandpa, who had been a smoker nearly all of his life.  When I was twelve, he went in for surgery due to holes in his lungs (caused by cigarettes).  It didn’t work.  He died in the hospital, shortly after the surgery.  My uncle suffered a similar fate.  The last memory I have of him is that of a withered man who looked twenty years older than his actual age, hooked to an oxygen tank, slowly dying. 

Now, every time I stand too close to someone with smoker’s breath, walk through a cloud of cigarette smoke downtown, or go to breakfast with my in-laws at some bar, all I can think of is death and suffering.  So let me be very clear when I say that I would vote yes on measure 50 even if 100% of the money went straight to the governor’s personal bank account!  Yes, it’s that important.  I’M VOTING YES ON MEASURE 50.

I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up I was taught that your resume and cover letter are perhaps the most important documents you will ever create.  With a couple pieces of paper, you’re selling yourself to a company who will ultimately decide, based on those pieces of paper alone, whether or not they even want to meet you.  This means that your resume should be coherent, grammatically correct, and free of typos and spelling errors.  It’s been a while since I’ve had to put together a resume and cover letter, but when I do I proof read dozens of times, pass them out to friends and family members, send them to my old English teachers, and spend hours at Kinkos picking out the perfect resume paper. All this to make sure I sound like a detail-oriented person who has strong writing skills and, most importantly, cares enough about the job I’m applying for to put a significant amount of effort into the process.

Then, upon receiving an interview, I make sure to adequately prepare.  I research the company I’m applying for so that I don’t sound like an idiot when asked why I want the job and to ensure that it’s a company I actually want to work for.  I print out lists of common interview questions so I have an answer ready for nearly any question I may be asked.  I get a haircut, shave, and dress in my best suit, not only to look professional, but to feel professional as well.  That’s why I’m so frustrated at work right now.

You may or may not know that here in the IT department of the company I work for, we’re hiring for both an IT technician, and a network administrator.  We’ve received dozens of resumes and there are maybe two that have been what I consider to be acceptable.  The others are, for lack of a better word, crap.  They use phrases like “my experience include” and “commitment to excellences” and they list “voluntary quit” as a reason for leaving their last job.  Those phrases aren’t even grammatically correct!  And doesn’t the word “Quit” automatically infer that you left voluntarily?!  That’s not all.  We’ve received resumes from people who, for some reason, decided to capitalize words at random: “Experience Troubleshooting and Repairing a variety of systems such as Desktops, Laptops, and Servers.”  Several applicants have done this and I can’t think of any good reason why these people felt compelled to do such a thing.

Worst of all, we have people applying for BOTH POSITIONS!  That’s like someone applying for a manager position at McDonalds but being willing to settle for fry cook.  My first question to these people is this: If you’re qualified to be a network administrator (pay grade 12), why would you be happy as a technician (pay grade 7)?  The answer is that these people just need a job, and hiring them as a technician means that they’re going to happily collect a paycheck from us while continuing to look elsewhere for that network administrator position, the job that they really want. 

The point of this rant is to demonstrate just how difficult it is to find good employees.  Many of the people who have applied for these positions seem truly qualified to do the job, yet we won’t be interviewing them because they didn’t care enough to make sure their resume was pristine.  At first we decided that it couldn’t hurt to invite them in, but one applicant showed up in a hoody and baggy pants and the other, when asked what his most significant weakness was, answered, “Making PowerPoint presentations!”  That’s sad on multiple levels because it means he didn’t adequately prepare for one of the most common interview questions and really, how hard is it to make a PowerPoint presentation?!  I just don’t understand why this process is so difficult!  If you’re qualified for the job, all you have to do is not look like an idiot and act like you give a shit and you’ve got the job (assuming another applicant wasn’t better than you)!  Is it really that hard to proof read, or look professional, or prepare for some common interview questions?  Are these not things that are taught to us as early as middle school and repeated over and over again in high school and college?  Is this really so difficult for some people?!

When I was a kid my mother used to tell me not to listen to the other kids when they made fun of me.  She used to brag to other people that her son didn’t care about what other people thought, that I was an individual capable of making up my own mind and not following the crowd.  As a kid I understood the logic.  Kids can be very hurtful, and being able to ignore their words and actions can be helpful in maintaining high self-esteem.  But looking back at my childhood, I have to wonder why parents like mine teach their kids to not care what other people think of them.  Aren’t we sending our kids mixed messages when we teach them to consider other people’s feelings while at the same time telling them that it’s OK to ignore them?  Why is it a good thing to teach children to disregard the thoughts and opinions of others if they’re not the same as our own? 

It seems to me that to hear someone point out your flaws and actually care about what they think is a quality to be admired, and to make decisions based solely on what other people think is the epitome of selflessness.  Yet every day, people are applauded for marching to the beat of their own drum with complete disregard for what others think of them, while the woman in the uncomfortable but great-looking shoes is looked down upon as a conformist and the guy who dresses in the latest fashions, whether or not he likes them, is called a sellout.

If you’re starting to hate me for what I’m suggesting, consider this: the very definition of selfish, according to Merriam and Webster, is being concerned with oneself, without regard for others.  An extreme example of this is a murderer who kills without regard for others.  But what about that guy who’s clearly opposed to taking showers or wearing deodorant or that girl who doesn’t bother to shave or even comb her hair?  Aren’t they being selfish with their complete disregard for societal norms and the senses of those around them?  Granted societal norms are sometimes harmful, oppressive, or even deadly (i.e. Nazi Germany, homophobic America, etc), but many are quite harmless.

The problem is, I’m sure that I’m wrong.  I’m certain that it’s better to be who you are regardless of what others think of you.  But if that’s true, why can’t I shake the idea that my childhood would have been so much easier had I simply changed to meet the expectations of my peers?  If there is truth to the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” doesn’t that mean that in a twisted way, kids instinctively pick on those who are weak or different in order to strengthen the society that they will one day grow up to rule?  Is it possible that conformity can be good for society?

 Just a thought…

From time to time I get lazy and select frozen microwave meals as my choice for lunch at work.  They may not be healthy, but they’re fast, cheap, and most of the time they taste good.  Now everyone knows that these frozen meals are nothing more than heavily processed chemicals that vaguely look, smell, and taste like food.  My co-workers and I joke that even the smell is probably just a chemical that releases a food-like odor when heated.  My point is, tasty they may be but gourmet they are not, which makes it even funnier when they have names like Budget Gourmet or Lean Gourmet! 

Still, I’m constantly amazed by the attempts made by the manufacturers of these products to make them sound like they’re actual food.  Not just any food though; healthy, high-quality, super-food, better than mom used to make!  You may remember the time I blogged about the miracle weight-loss Lean Pocket.  Well today I had the pleasure of enjoying eating a Michelina’s Lean Gourmet Macaroni & Cheese.

It started out like any other lunch.  There were a few minutes of down time at work and I was getting hungry, so I went to the break room and retrieved my mac and cheese from the freezer.  I checked the side of the box for cooking time, opened the corner slightly, and put it in the microwave.  When the first round of cooking was up, I removed it for the required mid-cook stir.  And that’s when I noticed it.  On the lid was a large, gold emblem that bared the claim, “Chef Inspired Recipe.” 

Really?  REALLY?!  My 99 cent frozen macaroni and cheese is a chef inspired recipe?!  I paused to consider that perhaps there really was a grandma Michelina who had a family recipe for macaroni and cheese that she passed down from generation to generation until it became a nation-wide, frozen success.  After all, I personally have a recipe for homemade macaroni and cheese that uses four different types of cheese and is baked in the oven.  Then I looked at the ingredient list.

Is it normal for chefs to enrich their pasta with niacin, ferrous sulfate, thiamine mononitrate, and riboflavin?  Do chefs usually use pasteurized processed “cheese spread?”  And other than Chef Boyardee, is there really a chef out there that encourages the use of “cheddar cheese flavor” over actual cheddar cheese?  From the ingredient list it occurred to me that “chef inspired” really meant, “Saw a chef cook pasta and add cheese and decided to name our mac and cheese-like food after his recipe.”  Seriously, I think the marketing folks at Michelina’s need to step back and reconsider what exactly they’re selling.  If they wanted to stretch the truth without actually lying they should just put the word “Edible!” on the lid.