It’s official. I’m now at the lowest point of my recent existential crisis. A few months ago I woke up and realized that I’m no longer passionate about my job. I’ve always let my work be a major part of what defines me, and to suddenly realize that I no longer like my job is devastating.
I used to love my job, and most days I still do. So what’s the problem? After thinking about it for a long time, I’ve figured it out. I don’t love this job and I never have. I love being a part of the nerd culture that IT jobs come with. I love that most IT people will almost certainly have the same hobbies and interests as me. I love the daily sci-fi references that are subtly snuck into conversation. I love that people in IT understand and laugh at my D&D jokes, even if they don’t play D&D. And most of all, I love the mystique that comes with being an IT guy. The “IT aura”; a term only used by those outside of IT to explain why the problem never occurs when we’re standing there watching. The powers of invisibility that allow me to walk into the middle of a confidential meeting to hook up a projector or fix a laptop, without even a pause in the conversation. The look on the faces of those who aren’t technically inclined when they get a glimpse of the big, white room, always lit, always chilled to a cool 68 degrees, and filled with the green blinking lights and dull hum of a hundred servers that very few outside of IT understand. These are the reasons why being in IT is a unique experience.
It’s strange really. I’m not especially skilled in my job. I’m quite capable of getting my job done, but I couldn’t process a loan or run a marketing campaign any more than the people in lending or marketing could troubleshoot their own computer issues. I’m rarely awe-struck by the work of other departments, yet somehow my entry-level desktop support job grants me a level of respect and admiration from all levels of the organization, from the interns to the executives. It’s sad how a few simple mouse clicks that have become second-nature to me can garner comments like, “You guys in IT are so smart!” and, “I don’t know what we’d do without you!”
Sadly, these things no longer satisfy me. I find myself three terms away from graduating with a degree in Management/Information Technology, with no clue what I want to do for a living. Maybe I’m better suited for accounting, or marketing, or R&D, or journalism. Who knows? I’m fortunate that Shanan is completely supportive, but it still scares me. I’m not afraid of changing careers really. I’m afraid of the blank stares I’ll get the first time I make a D&D joke or Star Wars reference. Even worse, I’m afraid of the condescending looks I’ll get from the IT guys who won’t know that I’m one of them…
I came acrossed you website by mistake while researching Jaxon Woods, small film director. Since your first blog was of some interest and humor, though a sad type of humor, I decided to amuse myself with the reading of your other blogs with added comments of course.
So sad to hear about your crisis. But part of it is freeing right? To think of all the things you could become!
Maybe you can make a list of all the companies or company cultures that you love and would love to work with.
And really, in most work places there are nerds who are doing non-nerd specific work. There are nerds everywhere!
It’s definately freeing! While I won’t start looking for a new job until I graduate in mid-2009, I’ve been looking through job postings at places like Nike and OHSU and it’s a good feeling to not have to narrow my search to just IT. You’re right about looking for the right company as well. I want to find a company that I like, instead of just a job that I like. Fortunately I’ve got a while to figure it out.