The Wannabe

I’m usually pretty touched when I hear stories of people losing a lot of weight. Even if I know it’s just a cheap plug for a product, it’s still amazing to hear, “I lost 40 pounds, and I couldn’t have done it without [insert product name here].” I think the key to this type of advertisement is to make sure the number is realistic. For example, I can’t believe that TrimSpa, and only TrimSpa, helped Anna Nicole Smith lose 69 pounds. You can’t lose weight just by taking a pill. On the other hand, I can believe that Jared from the Subway commercials lost 200+ pounds by walking a mile and a half and eating two Subway sandwiches every day (hold the mayo). Exercise + Eating Right = Weight Loss.Now I eat a Lean Pocket every day for lunch. It’s like a Hot Pocket only it doesn’t taste as good and it’s not as bad for you. I prefer the meatball Lean Pockets. Yummm! Of course, I don’t eat them to lose weight or even to try to be healthy. I eat them because I like the taste and I pick Lean Pockets over Hot Pockets to maintain some semblance of caring about how I eat. Of course, Nestle would have you believe that their Lean Pockets are little chunks of weight-loss wrapped up in a hot sandwich. To support this they add examples of people who have “lost weight with Lean Pockets” to the back of the boxes. I don’t often read these because even though Lean Pockets are low in calories and high in Protein, they still have 700mg of sodium and 3.5g of saturated fat! I’m sorry, but this is not a weight-loss food.

However, today I was in a good mood so I decided to read the back of the box. There was a quote from Anthony N. of Mesquite, TX:

“I was tired of being overweight and having no energy. I decided to lose weight by counting fat grams and Lean Pocket sandwiches made it easy to keep on track.”

The story goes on but I was too distracted to finish it. I had taken a glance at the top and noticed two numbers: 282 and 218. I had originally assumed that Anthony had weighed 282 pounds and now weighed 218 pounds. A respectable, and believable, loss of 64 pounds. My second glance made me throw up in my mouth a little. The story was purporting that Anthony had lost 282 pounds! 282 pounds! That’s like two people! This guy was actually claiming that he had lost 282 pounds…with the help of Lean Pockets!!! That’s like saying, “I lost weight by eating hamburgers instead of cheeseburgers.” I mean, based on the pictures I’m quite certain that he really did lose 282 pounds (and good for him!), but I’m equally certain that Lean Pockets had nothing to do with it.

Of course, the funniest part of the whole thing was the disclaimer at the bottom. In addition to the usual, “Results not typical, your weight-loss may vary” there was a line that said, “Nestle does not endorse the diet Anthony created.” I wonder why not? Subway endorsed Jared’s diet, so why wouldn’t Nestle endorse Anthony’s clearly effective diet? I guess even Nestle knows the weight-loss limits of Lean Pockets.